HOw should you pronounce my name? Why does it matter?

What do you do when you meet someone and you don't know how to pronounce their name?

1. Avoid them
2. Typically mispronounce it and laugh embarrassingly
3. Ask if they have a simpler version
4. Admit to your struggle, try,  and politely ask for pronunciation tips so that you can improve

I face this question about 70-80 times a day. I have the pleasure of being a College Professor to many international students. For many, my classroom is their FIRST exposure to Canada, our culture, and our "definitions" of inclusion, diversity, and equity. 
I will admit it. I wasn't the best at knowing what to do in the beginning. I have learned that language is DEFINITELY not one of my strong points. It doesn't see to come naturally to me. I can't, in looking at the name on my screen, seem to know how to even start breaking it down into parts. I have failed publicly in my efforts MANY times.(I have 100's of students that can attest to it and have witnessed my miserable efforts).

First I would usually try to pronounce their name, and fail.  I would inevitably end up putting a french or english spin on the syllables, and completely change the sound of the name. 
Sometimes I would try again, but after a few more miserable attempts I tended to AVOID. I would simply say "go ahead", "your turn", "what do you think?" without actually having to say their name.
 
But in the back of my head I knew what I was doing.... and I felt ashamed. After all, many of my students didn't even know other people here in Canada. Many had literally just arrived days before class started. I was one of their first teachers. How was I meeting their needs and making them feel welcome if I kept avoiding learning their names?

So, I changed tactics...I now tell my classes that my intent is genuine, but I need help. I assure them they always have my permission to correct me, teach me, and even laugh at my miserable attempts. It seems to lighten the air. We have changed  roles.... I am the student and they are the teacher. I have learned that depending on the dialect, the country of origin, and even the region they live in, it may impact how the syllables sound. They have taught me many tips and we practice together daily.
Here are a few tips you can try:

1. Learn how to break down the syllables. Don't assume you should start with just the first letter. For example, if the student was from Nigeria, and their name started with D - it doesn't sound like "D"-UROJAIYE , it should be pronounced "Duro-jaiye" .
2. Find  "how to pronounce" websites that will help you practice on your own so that you can demonstrate some improvement the next time you meet.
3. If someone says their name to you, ask them how to spell it and write it down. I have learned that I need to see it visually, so that I can picture the letters and understand better how to break the name down into parts.
4. Step out of your comfort zone, and practice with them. This has turned out to be a great bonding experience. I try, they laugh, and together we figure out what I am doing incorrectly.  Often I am still rolling my tongue and adding English sounds to the letters. I have learned how to lower my voice, and how to put emphasis on different parts of the name.
5. Next, take time to learn the meaning of their name- in this case Durojaiye means those who wait for the joy of life. Each time I ask, I watch as their eyes light up and they explain, with pride,  the meaning of their name and its importance to their family.
6. Keep trying! Challenge yourself.

Why Does It Matter?- Everyone wants to feel VALUED. As leaders, employers, teachers, coaches, friends, and neighbours, we owe it to each other to make a genuine effort to learn more about each other and ensure we are being truly inclusive in our actions.  A name holds great importance. Saying it correctly helps people feel you care enough about WHO they are to make an effort. 

This winter my students and I have started to make a series of YouTube videos entitled "How To  Pronounce My Name"  youtu.be/I5oIqVYr-M8 . Our intent is to help others (like their professor) who are struggling to understand and say the names of colleagues, fellow classmates, and other acquaintances. We wanted to demonstrate just how easy it is to bring our tips to life. I hope you will take the time to watch a few or our videos, and then step out of your own comfort zone to learn some of the names you have been avoiding. We are also encouraging companies and Human Resources staff to consider offering new members the opportunity to develop videos, like ours, as part of your onboarding processes. How wonderful would it be if the "big boss" sat down and made a genuine effort to learn the names of new members? These videos could then be shared to allow fellow colleagues the opportunity to practice and ensure they know how to  properly welcome and introduce the new member at meetings, team events, and gatherings.  Your efforts will not go unnoticed. Employee retention research demonstrates, over and over, that employees want to feel VALUED and supported in their organization. If you truly want to live out your mission/vision/values of being an inclusive organization, then start by showing appreciation for WHO people are and HOW to say their names. It absolutely matters.

Carrie-Lynn Hotson is a College Professor, HR Specialist, Speaker, and Coach. She is the author of Knowing Who You Lead, and the owner/CEO of Inspiring Organizational Growth- an HR consulting business designed to help leaders and teams understand WHY issues occur. To learn more, visit her website www.inspiringorganizationalgrowth.com/
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